You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
