HIV tests are more positive than that guy
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
