We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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