The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
