I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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