Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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