I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
