Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
