It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
