I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i believe in u and ur pee
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
