I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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