He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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