my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish I only lived at night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
