hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
