At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
