I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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