is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
