I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
