i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They took my balls.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
