So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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