he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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