turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
