Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
