this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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