My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
