i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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