i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
