My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
