This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
