I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
