I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
