Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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