Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
