Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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