I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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