Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
wow bdsm is so cute
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
