I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
