Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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