My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
