sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have tasted many bathrooms
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
