I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
