All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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