So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
