Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
