Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Found the puke drawer
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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