Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
