if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
