I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
