I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
