Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
