if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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