This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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