K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
