Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
