i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
