I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
